It’s Not Fair, walls we built when we were kids
I have been struck a lot in the last few weeks by a phrase that I want to utter that is very reminiscent of my childhood. “It’s not fair!” I remember each time I uttered that phrase the frustration when an adult would often say something “well it isn’t fair but…” and I’d add a brick to a wall that I was building to try to keep from uttering the phrase that no one seemed to react to in a way that helped me understand what was happening in the world.
Slowly I kept adding bricks until I would only think of the phrase instead of saying it.
Saying it didn’t help me.
I tried to build a wall, to help me try to bounce all those things that seemed unfair away from me.
It didn’t work, but sometimes I’d pretend.
Our theme is Let the Walls Fall Down.
There are so many walls in our lives, but this one, this one I had built when I was a kid, I hadn’t thought of this one yet. I hadn’t realized this one needed to come down yet.
The other night I came across an Instagram post by Kate Bowler.
Kate Bowler is a writer who has written a few different books, the one that drew me to her writing was Everything Happens For a Reason (and Other Lies I’ve Loved), which she penned after being diagnosed with Stage IV cancer. In the about Kate on her website it says, “She studies the cultural stories we tell ourselves about success, suffering, and whether (or not) we’re capable of change.”
I hadn’t even thought of this wall until I had to explain to my eldest two girls that yes there is another pandemic, so yes two, that they may see news of and I wanted them to be prepared for and to know they could come to me for any questions. My one daughter frustratingly said, “It’s not fair, why can’t I have a normal time to grown up in!” Instead of trying to explain it, as I simply cannot explain it to myself much less her, I gave her a hug and said you are right, “It isn’t fair.”
This summer there have been a few losses, and many with pain within our NYS community. Communications have been done through email rather than the public space of this website. Hearts have been hurting and the phrase, “It’s just not fair!” I know has been said strongly in more than one house.
This was posted about noon on 8/7/22. The images are poignant. The text is written out below.
As I read this all I could think of was God saying “I love you, let me help take down those walls, this isn’t fair.”
Maybe this will help you think about the walls you might have up and maybe you will hear God’s voice as well.